


We were warriors

by OfDarkMind



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blood, Child Abuse, Child Bertholdt, M/M, Violence, child Reiner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-06
Updated: 2014-02-06
Packaged: 2018-01-11 10:35:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1172033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfDarkMind/pseuds/OfDarkMind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That was what they were meant for. Why didn't the adults do their own dirty work? Innocence taken for granted and lives ruined. Regrets and rumination. Why and how Reiner and Bertholdt ended up where they were at the end of chapter 53.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We were warriors

**Author's Note:**

> Some mention of Spoilery things in here... 
> 
> This is an M/M short thing... ReinerxBertholdt later

After losing their freedom Reiner was able to get away from the titans swarming them. But just barely and only because Ymir came back and helped. He sat in a high branch in the forest of giant trees on the other side away from the Survey Corps reach. Now that Eren is back in their clutches they won’t make great strides to get at them. Only one problem existed now. He looked down at his lap. Bertholdt was finally asleep. Reiner lifted his gold eyes to the other side of the branch, here of her own volition, Ymir was also asleep. Not deeply, he can see her muscles still tense. He looked back down at Bertholdt, whose head rested in his lap.

He lifted a slightly trembling and pale hand to swipe gently at the dark hair on his friends head. A thick and metallic vapor was rising from the stump of a missing left leg that Bertholdt had the misfortune of losing Before Ymir jumped in and got the titans off them. Reiner’s eyes looked angrily at the slice in the clothing that had ripped the harness away from Bertholdt that was holding Eren to his back. That wound was already closed. Reiner brought his fingers over to touch the opening and the warm skin under it.

“I’m sorry, Bert…” Reiner whispered but Bertholdt didn’t hear him. It could have been easier to get out of that except Bertholdt’s titan body is too big and clumsy to stand up without needing something to hold him up. The wall for example. Those bastards made sure when Bertholdt turned into a titan he would not be able to stand unless aided. In fact… when he destroyed Wall Maria it was only the second time he had turned into his titan form.

The first time was to make sure he wouldn’t get killed under the weight of it. Fortunately Bertholdt’s wish to live was stronger than his initiative. Where the village is, the one they came from, there was no way Bertholdt would be able to turn into a titan and stand. Everyone would see him. His first was when he was seven. Seven years old… were being trained. He turned into that hulking mass of sinew and muscle and Reiner only remembered being terrified of him.

Bertholdt was forced to lay down. One reason why his feet never fully formed. His mind could not create the proper feet without something giving them sufficient weight to form. Perhaps that is why they did that. Made him lay down. So Bertholdt could not use his power to get away. It was no excuse. They all had something over their head. A sword so to speak… something making them do what it was they were trying to do.

The scary thing is that some of them were in it as bloodthirsty tyrants. Bertholdt mumbled fearfully in his daze and Reiner soothed him gently by running his fingertips down Bertholdt’s face and neck repeatedly. Reiner can still see a line on Bert’s neck from where Mikasa nearly killed him and Reiner felt his blood beginning to boil.

“I will do everything I can to protect you.” He said through his teeth down to the turbulently sleeping Bertholdt. His thoughts never once strayed to Ymir not until much later when the events of their situation forced them to flee. His focus was his friend. He feared he wouldn’t be able too. He feared failure and failure by the ones he answers too was not an option. He needed to get Eren and Krista back.

He needed to go back and get Annie. And these needs were tantamount to suicide. Reiner wondered if… just for a second. If he and Bertholdt and Annie were allowed to proceed with the original plan. Wipe out life inside the walls. If he would be sitting here right now. Afraid. Regretting. He looked at Bertholdt’s eyes moving slightly under his soft eyelids.

He knows Bertholdt regretted. And was afraid as well. How can they expect them to go in, become part of those people and not regret the things asked of them? Reiner remembered Connie. Connie nearly being killed and he had acted instinctively. Like a soldier, saving him… even prepared to sacrifice himself to save the others. He had saved the others so many times he lost count. Doing his bit for the better of humanity. He even diluted himself into quelling the warrior in him so he could feel comfortable around his … friends? Were they his friends?

Reiner reflected as his fingers absent mindedly twirled around the shorter hair near Bertholdt’s temple. He can see people looking at him with respect. Admiration. Joy? Sasha, Connie… Armin… Jean… even Eren. Every time he thought about it, the looks on their faces, he felt a sickening churn in his stomach. “I want to be like you. You don’t fear anything! You’re strong! You are an awesome role model.” Eren said to him once in strictest confidentiality. Jean was standing too close for Eren to just say it out loud without care.

 **“YOU FUCKING TRAITORS!!”** Blasted in his ears like a compressed air horn. Reiner closed his eyes against it, trying to fight the pain in his chest.

They trusted him and other than Bertl… he had never known that sort of camaraderie. He again let his eyes drop down to Bertholdt. If only he had kept his mouth shut. He was just so desperate to go home, he didn’t want to be there anymore. The thought of being so close to home was just too overwhelming. It was a rare event to see Bertholdt liven up, but on top of the wall he saw his deep grey blue eyes light up like the sun, his face radiant thinking about how close they were to their home.

“N…nooo…” Bertholdt muttered and Reiner still had the image of his friends face in his minds eye, smiling, excited thinking about going home as he looked down at the actual sleeping Bertholdt. He was having a nightmare. The delicate features pinched in agitation. Bad dreams; like the rest of the people who have personally seen the destruction of the titans, have been plaguing Reiner’s sleep too.

He would lie beside Bertholdt feel him shaking in his bunk burdened with memories that weigh on his shoulders; too heavy to bear alone. What right did they have to make them endure this sin so young in life? They were the real monsters. Things had never been normal between them. Two guys, growing up in a small village together didn’t have the farm experience their homeland indicated. Their experiences were a little different then someone like Jaeger’s. No friends besides their little group… Berik dying early on… they only had each other to rely on.

While other kids were worried about the trifle crap that normal kids worry over, it wasn’t for them. Reiner… Bertl… Annie… they had a different experience. It was like they were born into this world to not be children but machines to be fine-tuned and sharpened. Making friends, going to school, doing chores and getting in trouble when you shirk them. Playing sports and vying for the attention of girls and just causing mischief because that was cool.

Normal children cry because a bully has beaten them up. A Normal child cries because there may be a monster under the bed or in the closet, tucked in a dark corner that only their eyes can see. A normal child will likely cry for being scolded by their parent. No, not them. Reiner and Bertholdt’s existence was more ordered. Less carefree. Reiner knew that if they had not had their special gifts that marks of their ‘upbringing’ would be cause for concern.

Reiner didn’t look like it, not even when he first went into the Trainee camp, that he had been whipped into the machine he was already when he stood in the line of other kids his age being bullied by the drill sergeant. Not except if you look into his face… the set of his eyes and the intensity of his shoulders.

 _“Get up, dog!”_ A cold voice said somewhere from the back of his mind. It was coming again. One of those things where memory had a habit of coming when he wasn’t in an easy position to hold back his fear and anger. His hand came up and grabbed Bertholdt’s top near the collar. It was an unsaid practice, but when Reiner felt that resurface of shackled memories burst its boundaries, Bertholdt would hold him, and vice versa. Only this time Reiner was forced to face the tidal wave again alone… Bertholdt was in no position to comfort him right now.

“ _It hurts! My arm!” A child said in an echo._

_“All you can do is cry about your arm?! Pathetic fucking weakling! You won’t have anything to worry about at all when they kill you! You won’t be treated fairly… you won’t be treated nice just because YOU want to be a pussy! You are a monster! They will never view you as anything else! When a machine breaks, what do people do with it?!” The Sargent screamed in the boys tear streaked face._

_“I…I…” The boy stammered as he shook with his hands over his head, hunching over._

_“They trash it. Strip it down to its barest form. Meaning it is less than a whole. And there are two options after that.” The man said loudly._

_“The dismantled machine could be left there or sold for profit. Which means it will never be whole again. Dead… meaningless.”_

_“Or… they can rebuild it. Make it stronger.” The man said as he lowered his head near the cringing boy._

_“I somehow doubt you will survive this if you are going to cry over a needle prick. You will be asked to do things against human nature. You will be made to not hesitate. If you do… you die.” He stood up and grabbed the boy’s hair and hauled his head back._

_“Put your damned hands down, pig!” The boy tremulously did as told. “You want to die?” The man asked. The boy shook his head._

_“Then I would suggest you stop your pathetic whimpering or I will cut you down without reluctance. I have no patience for pampered farm boys like you.” The man said and stopped as he heard another boy voice rise out from the line._

_“Leave him alone!” Reiner yelled then fell quiet when other boys and girls around him hushed in the loudest silence he had ever heard. The trainer turned on his initial target and removed the bull whip from his belt as he approached slowly. The small blonde boy looked up at the bigger man with barely contained terror._

_“You want to take his punishment for him, Braun? You want to take the lashing for his weakness? Fine! You just remember when you are on the battlefront and he’s being a cockless crying mess and your comrades are falling around you like flies, that the seconds it takes you to comfort him are the seconds that will get you killed! You are all to serve a greater purpose! You are all here to die! No one loves you! So why not give it your all while you can, because that is all anyone is ever going to remember you for!” The trainer said as he looked at the frightened children’s faces._

_Most of them were between the ages of seven and ten. Their balls hadn’t even dropped yet… their ovaries hadn’t started spitting seeds. These kids were created to be machines. Nothing more…. Nothing less. They received their doses of ‘special’ treatment, which is why Fubar’s arm is bothering him. Some may not even live though this. And if they die, it just means they were too weak. And weak in this juncture means useless and that means there is no reason for them to exist._

_“Lets understand this right now.” The trainer grabbed Reiner by the scruff of his shirt and dragged him in front of Bertholdt._

_“Weakness is not tolerated. You show weakness in front of me, you will pay. The outcome of payment for your weakness is you will learn to be strong. If you don’t… I will kill you. Like a rabid dog. And this will serve as a reminder to you that when you try to stick up for someone who is a pussy, you will pay the price as well.” He turned Reiner around showing Bertholdt his back as he ripped the boy’s shirt off._

_The trainer hit Bertholdt in the arm with the handle of the whip before throwing it at him. Bertholdt stifled a cry of pain. His arm throbbed and ached when the hard handle hit the spot where the shot was administered. He fumbled to hold the whip from falling to the earth, somehow he thought the clumsiness would earn him more trouble. He held the whip and looked up at the irate trainer._

_“Give him the lashes you were going to get. So help me if they are not hard enough to leave blood I will kill you myself, you pig fucking slime! NOW!” The trainer yelled and Bertholdt felt nothing but rage. His body shook with it and it is what drove him to lash Reiner’s back thirty times before the boy was tossed to the side into the grass. Reiner hadn’t made a sound as the bullwhip lashed his back, cut after cut drawing blood that flecked Bertholdt’s face drew out a longing for the trainer to stop the punishment but it was almost like the end was not in sight for either of them. The trainer was satisfied apparently._

_“Learning fast. Good. I will cut your little cocks off… I will sew all your holes shut and cut your tits off! You are nothing but a bunch of brainless meat bags meant for slaughter.” Reiner lay motionless and quiet in the grass his face red from suppressing shrieks of pain. All the children, perhaps sixteen in all were surrounding them. Deep in the woods, no one would ever hear or see this happening. No one ever paid attention to them. Their innocent eyes made another recent trip down that road to psychological injury._

_The shadows cast on their faces deepened more. The Ultimate objective is to make them see their friends suffer and not react. To make them do as told with no hesitation despite being asked to do something that may go against their personal and traditional beliefs as humans. After the trainer gave them a list of things to do before they could turn in for the night before he walked away and Bertholdt made sure the trainer was not there when he walked slowly up to Reiner and touched him, glad to see Reiner had not pulled away._

_“I…I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you like that.” Bertholdt said. Reiner’s eyes popped open wide and looked around furiously._

_“You’re crazy!” He barked through his teeth. He reached in front of him, picking up the green shirt off the grass and looked at it. It was ripped and he won’t be able to put it back on. His back stung and he tossed the rag that was once his shirt on the ground._

_“Here.” Bertholdt said softly. Reiner sniffed and turned to see Bertholdt was pulling off one of the two shirts that he wore and was handing it to Reiner. Reiner hesitated to take it. He was afraid to be seen being part of an act of kindness._

_“Did anything that guy said sink into your head?” Reiner asked not taking the shirt._

_“Of course it did. But we are not in any missions yet. It will get cold tonight and you have no shirt. It won’t do anyone any good if one of their potential warriors dies of sickness, right?” Bertholdt smiled a little as he pushed his shirt a little closer to Reiner. Reiner looked down at it and then took it with trembling hands. He quivered more from adrenaline and pain than fear._

_“Why did you do that?” Berhtoldt asked._

_“Do what?” Reiner asked as he lifted his arms to slip the shirt on. Berthold felt horrible at the sight of the whip gashes on his back making small rivulets of crimson roll down his ribs and spine. He looked away trying not to betray the sadness he felt, the shame._

_“You tried to stick up for me. You shouldn’t have… you got hurt.”_

_“My gamble worked didn’t it? I didn’t try; I did. You didn’t get hurt.” Reiner said and winced a little with a puff of air as he stood to his feet. He pulled Bertholdt up with him. He hadn’t noticed before but he was really tall._

_“I know you would have cried like a baby if he whipped you. So I saved both of us.”_

_“You… you took that so I didn’t have too?” Bertholdt flushed a little and covered his face. He felt Reiner’s hands, smaller than his, touch his forearm._

_“Don’t do that. Act like you don’t give a fuck.” Reiner said with a dark grin. He heard Bertholdt hiccup at the sound of the harsh swear word… they are seven… he shouldn’t be saying words like that!_

_“That is what they want. That is what my dad said. They want you not to care. If you can convince them you don’t give a shit about anything… they will leave you alone. Even praise you. Bertholdt… if you cannot control your emotions… they will kill you and I may not be able to help you again.” Reiner said and turned away until Bertholdt took his sleeve to halt his retreat._

_“Do you like me Reiner?” He asked softly. Reiner didn’t look back._

_“You’re okay. Just stick with me and I will protect you. Don’t do anything stupid or we’ll both be done for. Okay? You big dummy…” Reiner looked over his shoulder at the confusion on Bertholdt’s face. It was clear the other boy was not sure if he was being defended and befriended or insulted and berated. Perhaps both._

_“Okay.” Bertholdt said and form that day forward, they were always together. Always._

**Author's Note:**

> This will continue... the more bertxreiner coming up.


End file.
